Wednesday, August 16, 2017

I've made some progress in my head,

This is one of those things I absolutely cannot talk about in person to a psychologist or psychotherapist. 
Basically, I believe that some GOD, maybe the God of Christianity, is holding my OVERSOUL, or immortal soul, and torturing me for not being a good christian.
To certain people at the hospital, even christian themed hospitals, this would seem nutty as all hell.
The satanic influence in all of them, to call a biologist super-insane because he believes he has been fighting the christian God for 10+ years, is beyond bigoted or terrible.

I am so mad at Jehovah that I don't differentiate between Jehovah and Satan anymore. I 100% feel that they are the same thing. Jehovah is an abomination.

I have had a lot of time to think about this, but I believe my choices are as follows - these are the choices I've given myself.

  1. Die forever, totally, painlessly. Forever. No reincarnation, no resurrection. But by the same token, no filthy greedy profiting american will ever make money off of my enslaved soul.
  2. Succeed. Overcome the christian God, eat, fire, read, sin, and live forever angel God, and go to heaven.
I must either win hard or die forever. So are the thoughts that are going into me. My belief, if I were to put betting money on it, is that Jehovah will win. He will rape me, he will torture me, he will humiliate me, he will make me a hypocrite, and he will destroy all the sanctity of life for his disgusting christian oath-breaking ideals. I'm predicting Jehova will win, because America is the filthiest nation and the most corrupt nation for nearly 3000 years, and there is nothing stopping an Abomination at the top of society from doing whatever it wants.

~Steven Brock-Chiara // Mindus Amitiel Debsin

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

What I've been working on today: Scripts in AutoHotKey program.

I had a problem.
There was work I needed to do in the Final Fantasy X HD Remaster (Steam), and all I had to do was press C over and over and over again.
The first thing I did was buy a program for $5 called AutoKeyboard. I learned the program, and suffice it to say, it did not work. I'm still deciding if I want my money back.
The second thing I did was install a 2nd program called "Auto Keyboard Presser." It looks a lot smarter than the previous program, but it sure was buggy. There were so many bugs that just getting it to accept some keys to press down took minutes of your time, and then never worked. They also wanted to be paid, but I didn't do so this time.
The third thing I tried was from the professionals: AutoHotKey

It didn't work for quite some time, but after 30 minutes of learning and copying, I discovered a way to make AHK work for Final Fantasy X HD Remastered.
Part of that process was when I downloaded an app called "Send and Click Tool, V4.1." which proved to me that AHK was smart enough to overcome the game's mechanics, if I was smart enough to write down the results and learn to script it. What I actually did was to familiarize myself with it. Then in frustration, I found another AHK user who is playing Final Fantasy X HD Remastered (Steam). I copied their script, and I modified it several times until it would work, and then it finally did work!!!!

Here is my first, non-working script. [the script does work, but the game is protected against it, so it failed.]

SetTimer, PressTheKey, 1500
Send, c

And here is her full script:

#NoEnv SetWorkingDir %A_ScriptDir% CoordMode, Mouse, Window SendMode Input #SingleInstance Force SetTitleMatchMode 2 #WinActivateForce SetControlDelay 1 SetWinDelay 0 SetKeyDelay -1 SetMouseDelay -1 SetBatchLines -1 ; UserGlobalVars F6:: Macro1: Loop { CoordMode, Pixel, Screen PixelSearch, FoundX, FoundY, 1900, 1060, 1920, 1080, 0x646171, 20, Fast RGB If ErrorLevel = 0 { Sleep 20 Send, {c down} Sleep 50 Send, {c up} Sleep 250 } } Return

And here is my final code, after combining both of ours.
[The credit goes to D3Construct]

SetWorkingDir %A_ScriptDir%
CoordMode, Mouse, Window
SendMode Input
#SingleInstance Force
SetTitleMatchMode 2
SetControlDelay 1
SetWinDelay 0
SetKeyDelay -1
SetMouseDelay -1
SetBatchLines -1
; UserGlobalVars
Sleep 20
Send, {c down}
Sleep 50
    Send, {c up}
    Sleep 250
So what does this script do? Most of the top language
is what makes it work inside Final Fantasy X HD
Remastered (Steam). My simple script did in fact work
, but it only worked in documents and programs which
did not prevent basic levels of cheating.My script
allows a person who has near-infinite items on their
FFX HD, to use the C key over and over and over,
usually on something like "Attribute Sphere" or on
"Special Sphere." If you do it by hand, it will take
at least 30 minutes to mostly get all of the other
attributes from the sphere grid. With this script, it
will take 20 minutes, AND you don't have to be there
.To use this, again, you should have near-infinite
amounts of "Attribute Sphere" and "Special Sphere,"
and maybe also "Black Magic Sphere," "White magic
Sphere," and "Skill Sphere".
And I can't finish
without giving credit to the original article that
brought me to AutoHotKey: How-To Geek !!!!I hope
that if anyone has this issue with Final Fantasy X HD
Remastered (Steam) for PC, that I can help them.
My google searches:
Spam a key in a game
Repeat Keystroke in a game
Windows program to spam Enter key
Thank you for reading this, everyone!! ~Mindus Azrael
Debsin, SJB-C

P.S. Everything is broken in blogger today, probably
because I entered code. Or maybe before that. Just
today Google notifed me that they had new templates
to try out. I bet Google messed something big up.
!!! :( I might come back in a day or two and try to
get this fixed. However, if you copy/paste the whole
post, you will probably get everything. Make sure
you paste into word to preserve the URLs. !!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The meaning of my existence.

I have been trying to express myself for many years, and mostly failed. The most important thing I've been trying to say is that I am a unique and important soul, trapped in a single 29 year old body. Maybe I've made a mistake by using the word soul, because that takes on a religious meaning. What I should say is that I am an existence, probably one that is known about and is part of our celestial Parthenon, and that I am all alone with no recognition. The worst part of it is that I have so little opportunities, so little money, and so little social interaction.

I was pretty sure in the 21st century, with all our digital connections and how interconnected we are, that we would be beyond this: laughing at souls or existences struggle in poverty, terrified of police and authority, and wondering if I will ever have any opportunities at all.

The way I see it, I have no power, fame, or riches. I have never had the opportunity to decide if I am going to be a moral person, which requires fame, power, or riches. My life is mainly about not having any money, and being treated exactly the same way as billions of plebeians, which is probably an abomination.

The worst part is, I am terrified of authority. The FBI, the USA government, all the rich, powerful, and famous people. I believe that my soul is real and celestial, but that if I take my life seriously and start "declaring war" on all the people who are lying to me, who are oppressing me, and who are laughing as I struggle in the dark, that serious, terrible consequences will befall me: perhaps even the destruction of my immortal soul.

What I have resigned myself to is that I am going to be poor all of my life, and I will never have any opportunities to choose left or right, moral or immoral. However, I am going to save up my resentment and in my immortal life among the stars, I will forever remember my hatred and resentment. This means that someday, thousands of years in the future when I am rich, famous, and powerful, I'll be giving not one single damn about any of the people who oppressed and laughed at me in the year 2017. In fact, I may even be "at war" with them, to the end of Time and our Universe.

This is the only thing that gives my life meaning right now.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

My mom and cookies

I guess she's a liar.

I bought $10 worth of cookies half off. One was chocolate chip, and the other was M&M candy cookies. The cookies themselves were dry and cheap, but definitely contained gluten.

So I believe so far that my mother has eaten at least 2/3 of all the cookies that I bought just four days ago. So she's probably a liar about her gluten status. I also remember that my mother has had plastic surgery at least once. She had a "tummy tuck" done, which probably removed the stomach fat and folded it over, or so it sounds like.

I wonder if I saved up a couple thousand dollars, if I could get some subsidized liposuction or surgery on my increasing belly size. I would do a lot to be thin again. They'd probably have to get my tummy, my legs, and maybe beneath my chin. I don't think my arm fat needs to be removed. 
While on my trip, I brought a lot of books with me. I actually wanted to be seen with them, so they were the smartest books that I had ever heard of. In addition, I brought my "The Witcher" books with me too, and that's basically all that I read.
I really believe in Geralt of Rivia, and I've had dreams so far of me becoming a witcher, or of meeting the witcher and being his friend. Those dreams are often very fun.
On the subject of the soul, I have learned some true new details about my soul since yesterday. I believe that my soul is considerably larger than the souls of other people, due to my increasing hunger for light (and other people's light). I also remember how I treated my grandpa Rod the first time I met him and stayed a week with him: I called him Rod, not Grandpa, until the very end, when I called him Grandpa. That was a soul condition.
I had a vision that the reason that nobody cares about the letters I send them is that 1) Seattle Computer Products was like 30 years ago, and 2) Because I'm not offering them any money, I'm not getting any response. I think that the vast majority of Americans are still obsessed with the mortal sin of Greed, and have never cared about me in the first place.

That's all for now!

Saturday, October 22, 2016

I'm back.

I guess the last post wasn't my final post after all.

I finally got my desktop computer fixed. Here is the post I wrote about it: start-menu-and-taskbar-dont-work-neither-does-sfc . You'll notice that I didn't get a response from an MS employee, nor did I get any response which fixed it. I actually found the fix myself, and I was mostly just testing a new idea. I'm so glad it works.

While listening to Internet Radio on iTunes on my Macbook Pro, I realized that of all my family, I listen to the hardest music. I listen to metal, rap-metal, and even some death metal too. Of course that's just some of my music, and I also listen to Muse as well. I wonder what this says about me, among my family?

I also had another realization: my brain is basically a soul right now. What I wished for hasn't come true, but my obsession with souls has 1) increased my soul in my body and 2) converted my brain into a soul-controlled organ. I think this is certainly true, and I wonder what will happen if I ever get an MRI done on my brain. Will the doctor know enough about my species to know what my brain is?

Since my last post wasn't my last, I don't know what to do about the future of my life. I just got a letter from a housing place saying that I was on the top of the list, so life might be changing for me soon. If I get my own apartment, I'll probably take a bunch of my stuff with me and throw away what I don't want and put out what I do like. I'll probably also buy more containers to store my stuff.

I had a strong dream for at least 10 hours that I had taken over the body of a certain billionaire, because of our connection. This is because my soul is so strong, and his soul was not strong enough.

Monday, October 3, 2016

"The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins

I've made a LOT of observations about life, trying to understand more about biology (and more pointed answers) than what I was taught in University.

It seems to me that for non-soul life, the gene is the most important thing. They want to make as many copies of themselves as possible, and sometimes become famous and powerful.
Of course, there are people such as me who refuse to make any children, but that's because I consider myself an all-soul life and I've yet to find any woman who also has a soul.

One thing that interests me is that fish do not have hands or claws. Almost all fish I've seen look very similar, and they don't have anything that could ever make them the dominant form of life on the planet. That's just weird.

I am convinced that I am losing very seriously at this game of genes and life, and part of that is because nobody has ever promoted me or taken an interest in my life or wellbeing. For that, we can blame the government or the corporate governments.

Earlier today, I was thinking that all of christianity seems to be nothing when compared to the truth of the gene. I was reading about idols and catholicism, and the article said that Jews did not have an image for their God. It seems to me that they were somewhat truthful, and maybe their God just didn't really exist.

But then I remember that I'm basically in love with an angel, and it feels completely real to me. It also seems like a good thing to dedicate your life to. One thing is certain: it's very likely that life is not nearly as difficult for a gene as it is for a soul. They must have way more patience, more energy, and less frustration than souls experience. That's the only explanation I have for why suicide is so rare, and why animals don't ever seem to kill themselves.

I believe that I am alive, and that my life is centered in my brain, and my perception of the world is very similar to the "standard model," but that my soul is both inside my head (possibly trapped in an artifact) and outside of my head (part of society).

This may be the last blog post I make for a while. I hope people have sympathy while reading my writing that I was a pretty good soul, and had mostly good intentions for my peers and the world. Also, they should know just how challenging this subject is, especially for somebody raised in the USA school system. My soul would say that I know everything about souls already, but I just can't seem to bring it out of me and discuss it, or demonstrate it. I suspect that will change soon enough.

Friday, September 30, 2016

A transcendent dream I had on Sept. 29th

Sometimes, it feels like there is a God inside me, and it is keeping track of all of my achievements and also protecting the parts of my brain and soul that are most likely to achieve transcendence.
On the morning of September 29th, 2016, I woke up to find I had had a transcendent dream. This is a dream where the chief elements of senses: vision, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, were all used to propel a person upward, out of the common world and into the world of gods.
In this dream, I started my transcendent activities while remembering that I had already done transcendent activities in the past, and I wanted to focus on the transcendent ideas and skills I possessed that were already successful in the past.

I don't know if the transcendent dream that I had was divinely inspired, or was instead something that I gave myself in order to increase my chances of living on in the chances that I died. My upcoming death may be a strong impetus for these transcendent dreams to occur.

If I recall, my angel language, which some interpret as chinese, but I cannot make out the words of the language, I can only say crazy and obscured words and hope they are effective. My angel language has many curses in it, and it also has many very hard to pronounce words. I believe that both of these are key to transcendence in the dreams that I have had. Part of transcendence is destruction, of anything which has latched onto you and needs to be put down so that you can continue your rise upwards into the true, abstract world, without demons to pull you down.

So last but not least, I will describe as best I can my dream of transcendence that is rapidly fading.
First of all, I must state that my current brain is hostile to the dream of transcendence. It may be a different brain that started the transcendence, or perhaps a strong soul that interacted with my brain that gave the transcendence to me, but never made peace with my brain.
Transcendence has a lot to do with soul synchronicity. If the soul is split up into two, one soul copying the other soul is a great way to bring them back together. In fact, becoming synchronous may be the only way for them to come back together and make a stronger soul.

My transcendent dream took place in a Costco-like supermarket. The only difference was that the supermarket had a lot of empty rooms, filled with lighted up tiles. In addition, the supermarket was very tall, and the top of a lane could easily be 50feet tall. Many of the times that I won in this transcendent dream, I won by being above a lane and moving on top of it. From the tops of the lanes, you can jump to rooms high up in the wall which confirm and record your progress of transcendence in this dream/experience.

There is a magick that is used to dramatically increase your transcendence. I believe I have lost my memory of what that magick is. I had thought that the secret was in cursing, but that may only be one small part of it. In my transcendent dream, compared to my real every-day life, the Gods of the transcendence favored me and kept promoting me so that I could experience true transcendence over and over again, in differing circumstances. Some of the transcendence I experienced was when I became just a God, just as the other Gods were. The entire grocery store was like a trap, and avoiding the sins of the store and focusing on the powers of godhood, would allow me to rise up above the floor and rise above reality and to become a true God of transcendence.

It's hard to explain anymore. I will try to list what it is that I accomplished in this dream, but the dream is rapidly failing me. The dreams had a semblance of torture inside of them, as if torture were a secret to unlocking transcendence. I personally felt as if I was a devil, and that I was so tortured, poor, and distraught that my perceptions and my ideas were totally different than any human. This devil-like person, I recall, stumbled onto the secret magicks necessary to move in transcendence, and became Godlike inside of the dream. He did this by discovering the location of the Gods who lived in transcendence, and by exploring the true world (upper levels) of transcendence grocery store to watch the other people from below and to humiliate them by advancing further in transcendence than they were capable of doing so. I did this instinctively, because of the prior transcendence that I had experienced already, and I remember that I have inside my broken mind the keys to win at this game.

So to sum up this dream, I felt totally ecstatic when I succeeded in becoming transcendent and meeting the God of the dream, and I really, really, hope that this God remembers me and my achievements.

Future tip.
Going to sleep on October 6th, 2016 @ Vatican. Will bring warm clothes in case I can't find a hotel, and must sleep outside :(

Monday, September 5, 2016

My step-father is the "devil."

I got back from the grocery store today with my family, and I opened up a new container of muffins (Reece's Pieces) when there was an open container of muffins (Poppyseed) already. Then my step-father remarked to me that it was a cardinal sin to open up a new package of muffins when there already was on open. The most important thing is that he said "cardinal sin."

I've been thinking a lot about my existence, and the power of my soul lately. I've never liked my step-father, and I've always felt him to be common and unsouled. In fact, from how much I don't like him, I'm really surprised that he's still alive. I imagine there are a dozen or more ways my soul could get rid of somebody, with it's super intelligence and creativity. But alas that seems not to be true. Of course, my soul is also smart enough to off somebody without killing their body. It's possible he did that.

I also think quite a bit about sin and religion, and his "cardinal sin" remark seems to me to be a direct affront to my religion. Maybe he really is the devil.

Code words for the future:
-The Vatican
-St. Gabriel's DC

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

I was awoken today by an Angel.

Because of the medication I'm taking, I've been sleeping a tremendous amount of time. Today I woke up at noon, and I gave the dog his pills, and then I went back to my room and decided to go back to bed. I was very lethargic and my blood sugar and pulse were way down. It was like I was still literally asleep.
After 2 hours of sleeping, I awoke to the feeling of somebody holding my left wrist, and she said "Do you normally sleep without a pulse?" And this is how I know it was an angel, and that it was a super-natural event. It was completely real to me and hallucinations are not something I have ever dealt with. However, I am obsessed with angels and I think about them at least 3 hours a day. I went out to talk to my mother, and I asked her if she woke me up and she clearly said "no."

So my belief is that Gabriel, or another angel, woke me up today and reminded me to not sleep that way. What I did then was I put away my new night-time medication and decided not to take it anymore. Yeehah.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

I had an amazing dream: Aliens vs Predator.

I've never seen the movie, but I have seen Prometheus.
I woke up around 3:30am, then went back to sleep around 5am. After this, I had the dream.

In my dream, the Predators were machines, kind of like from Terminator (Arnold was not in my dream). And I was an alien. The chief of the aliens was a God like Zeus, and the aliens were cloned all over the world, waiting for them to be destroyed for a clone to take their place. The aliens were very cool, and were genetically engineered. I felt a lot of pleasure that I was an alien, and the things that the aliens did, and the technology they had access to, fascinated me.
This dream was so immersive and cool that I slept 1 hour after my alarm went off.

Friday, May 13, 2016

News Article: Octopuses might be aliens after DNA study

Octopuses might be aliens after DNA study

I find this to be highly entertaining, and certainly plausible.
But if Octopuses are aliens, who "dropped them off" onto the Earth? And is it possible that it was a sentient water-based alien?

Of course, I still believe that the soul is the primary form of true life, not the DNA or the body. After all, bodies seem kind of pointless, as if they are so stupid, or so unsentient, that all of them can be predicted to live their whole lives, reproduce, and die of old age; instead of dying from suicide or an immortality treatment.

I was thinking today that one possible God name would be DeNA. Isn't that cute?

Saturday, March 26, 2016

I had dinner with my family...

and it was good. I became more moderate and social able, and my mind become less cloudy and more sane.

However, on the way back home, I cam to a startling conclusion.
Spokane, Washington is not a good city. In fact, it's a really dead city, filled with idiots, crazy people, and low incomes. The fact that I live here means that I'm not alive. No opportunity will come to me by being in this city, except those which may come from my mailings.

And here is my realization:
I am sustained by death.
The past 10 years have been really, really horrible for me and I have been close to death many, many times. I think I've found a method to finally do me in, but I wonder if it will damage my soul permanently and if I have the right opportunity to pull it off.

My life is so horrible, that everything I do is shaded by death, lack of opportunities, and lack of friendship and love. I may even be death itself, to a certain people. Who knows what my soul could be doing during all this time. But I do know that my soul doesn't know the truth, and it's not quite an adult.

The things that I think about everyday are terrifying and epic. But considering how close I am to death, I'm always making plans and trying to strengthen my mental muscles so I can escape my situation. I'm trying to become smart enough to make money playing stocks and betting on odds. This may happen, you never know. I could become a genie, or my soul could finally unlock and increase my intelligence enough to make the common man world look like a joke.

So I am sustained by death. All of my life is colored by my close proximity to it. I am deathly myself.
Gabriel, a traitor, a liar, and a treacherous pleb, doesn't care enough or isn't strong enough to save my life and give me a new opportunity, or a whole new life.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

I'm on google maps!

This happened many months ago, when I was out for a walk.
A google maps car drove past me while I was walking, and I turned around to get my picture taken. It has taken several months for me to be included in google maps, but finally now I am.

I think it's cool.
Me on google maps, March 24th 2016

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Ayahuasca and Amazon Yellow Powdered Caapi Vine - Banisteriopsis Caapi

I was researching Ayahuasca and I was seriously considering buying some of it for $300, but the bitcoin transaction fell through. The total was $307 and I was only allowed to send $300. Damn it.

So the next thing I did was search Amazon for components of Ayahuasca, and I found this stuff called Yellow Powdered Caapi Vine, which is one of the main ingredients in Ayahuasca.

What is Ayahuasca: it's like a tea or beverage that a person takes to get soul-like experiences, such as soul-dreams. In South America, there are all sorts of retreats that a person can take to experience it. For me, it was a matter of buying the product and shipping it to USA. The $307 package claimed to be enough for 10 soul-dream experiences.

So I bought this Yellow Powered Caapi Vine, and I've been drinking it in my tea. I put enough in there that the tea is saturated and the powder forms at the bottom of the cup. I feel relaxed and slightly more soul-like, but the taste detracts from the experience. I had no special dreams because of it, however I did feel a special part of my brain becoming active, which was important.

The worst part is: Now that I bought my single 1 bag of Powdered Caapi Vine for like $12, Amazon isn't selling it anymore. The weird part is that the page has been removed and an error takes place when trying to view it, instead of a page saying it has been removed. I'm very disappointed with Amazon. There doesn't appear to be any other product related to Ayahuasca on Amazon.

I have to wonder if I use somebody else's computer and Amazon account, if the product would still be available. 

Sunday, February 28, 2016

The Satan that torments me

Some more deductions about the Satan inside of my brain or soul that torments me.

The language that I use to describe the Satan is almost 100% warlike, as if the person described killed everything I cared about and declared war on me for 1000 years.

The counselor that I go to, obviously being a Plebeian, is 100% incapable of believing that this Satan is real or giving me any ways to prevent and stop it. I am very resentful of him, being so incompetent and not believing in what I tell him.

It must be very involved with brain chemistry and partitioning.
If I think or write about it, it torments me. Even right now, it is torturing me. It seems to be intelligent because what I write changes what it does, and if it tortures me or just torments me. But that's weird, because I should be monopolizing all of my brain and soul with my living and daily functions.

The torture is either 1) coming from or 2) focused on my penis, which is the hardest thing to talk about. A voice in my head described the Satan as "a slug" but I'm unsure how a slug could have power over me or torment me so much. I feel significantly better when I'm not wearing any pants and I can see my penis and air myself out.

I was thinking a couple days ago that psychology may in fact be the center of the soul. And in my case, I am very unfocused on and ignorant of psychology.
This slug or Satan literally has GOD POWER over me, and can kill me, destroy my soul a piece at a time, enslave me, control my words, or torment me however it pleases. This is weird because I don't particularly believe in a supernatural God that has powers over bodies and souls anywhere in the world.
I try to curse this Satan or slug and I immediately forget what I'm doing halfway through. That is the sort of God power that it possesses. It is almost like it is my creator, the thing which put my soul into my child body.

The song "Moonlight Sonata" calms me. That is the sort of mood that I'm in.

I desperately wish there was one person in this nation who believed what I was saying, or could actually help me. I'm thinking brain surgery might help me, but that terrifies me.
A hypothesis on what is wrong:
I became a God, and my strength and courage made me do some very extreme and powerful things. And the God which owns me turned me into a girl, and I am completely terrified and resentful of this girl thing. I am completely focused on being a man. And my manhood is really traumatizing my soul, which is now a girl. That's one possibility. The God who did this to me is WG3.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Old ideas that I'm struggling with.

Is it possible that the soul exists only inside of the body, and nothing outside of the body?
The body is a vessel and without a vessel the soul cannot live?

If that is true, then it would seem very likely that when a person dies, their soul is physically removed and put inside of a soul "heaven" before it can be replanted in a new human body. It sounds like slavery to me.

If that were true, then the people who are aware of who is a soul and who isn't a soul would be very, very secretive and conspiratorial. I do believe that they exist, however. People are DEFINITELY aware that I am a soul and not an ordinary animal human.

However, I do believe that both the brain and the soul are a lot smarter than I give them credit for. I really wonder what my soul and brain actually know and believe, with as much thought as I've given this. 

One thing that is really important is the intelligence difference between a soul-human and an animal-human. I feel as if my intelligence is relative or somewhat equal with other humans, but the soul is very intelligent.. 
So it is possible that the soul exists in some sort of container or trap inside the nervous system, and cannot be aware of itself or exercise it's true intelligence.

I feel as if my lack of understanding is one of the biggest problems of my life. And I am definitely a little crazy, which is lethally traumatic and unfortunate for me.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The demon inside me that torments me.

For over 3 years, I've been tormented inside by some sort of demon, or terror, or evil spirit. I feel it inside of my nervous system or soul. I know that the psychology or mental health industry would never believe that it is real, but instead some problem with my nervous system or my psychology. However, I am certain that it is real and that is has something to do with Gabriel. Gabriel or God has said that it has to do with Satan, but I'm not sure if I believe in him.

What I know is this:
  • It almost always occurs when I am halfway asleep, and my body is resting and not interested in getting up. I lay down in this style and I am active in my brain and soul, but this presence is often there whenever I verge near it's topic or it's part of the brain.
  • It's not the same thing as me. It's survival depends upon eating my soul. No matter how many times I try to kill it, there is always something trying to tell me that he needs to eat my soul and torment me to live.
  • It's directly connected to my hearing. Putting my fingers in my ears or listening to music makes it go away.
  • It snickers and laughs when it tortures me, as if it is revengeful or gains great pleasure from inflicting pain upon me.
  • It has called itself a "gene" and it prefers a body existence while I prefer a soul existence.
  • I feel much better when I eat something, and it seemed to go away when I had something substantial in my stomach.
  • The demon is inside of my mind and I cannot think about certain things or something even speak when the demon is active in my brain. It's almost like a whole part of my brain is being used by this demon and I can't remove the demon.
If I spend time in my head trying to draw a circle, I can no longer complete the circle. The damage to my nervous system is so horrible (and to my soul) that I can only complete the circle 90% before my soul switches to a different nerve and can no longer complete. It could be a nervous miswiring or something much more integral inside of my soul.

I don't think anyone can help me with this problem except an Angel.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Souls and bodies, and a Revelation about TIME.

For a few hours today, I've been thinking (and arguing with my ghosts) about how soul I really am, and how much I've rejected the human body in favor of the soul.

Today, I walked across a very important point regarding the body.
It seems to me that Evolutionarily speaking, the point of the body is to make it dense, evolutionarily-strong, and advanced. Most importantly: it's to make a perfect body and then make thousands or millions of copies of it.
It might even be that once a perfect body has been created, it becomes even smaller.

I make several contentions:
  • The purpose of a life and existence is to grow larger, stronger, more advanced, and possibly more peaceful.
  • The soul is very much in contradiction to the human body.
  • The purpose of the body is to become more advanced, smaller, and to make millions of copies of itself.
  • The body isn't relevant to the soul, instead, growing things are relevant to the soul. Like nations.
Maybe that is a stretch. Nations...
Nations are very idealistically motivated. And what is most important about nations is that there seems to be less and less of them as time goes on. The nations get larger and fewer, and that fits the pattern of the soul.

Of course, I am completely certain that the soul is far more important than the body.
My doctrine for the past 6 years has been similar to "there are billions of bodies in the world, and 900,000 or less souls. The soul is obviously far, far more valuable."

My ghosts have ridiculed me for not actually comprenhending what I believe in. If I did, I would make a bunch of different choices. But the truth is, I can't control my head, and I don't have a lot of freedom or willpower in my daily life.
Most of the things that my ghosts have ridiculed me over, I consider to be poverty. Another thing I like to say is "I'm one of the poorest people, in the richest nation in the world. There is tremendous evil in this nation."

One of the things that I am very certain of is that there isn't 1 single God, or a creator of the Universe... but instead many, many Gods. I can become a God some day.


I discovered about 2 days ago something very important and primary to my life and philosophy.
  • TIME is the source. Life is the product.
  • The Universe exists along for billions of years, and life is the purpose of the Universe.
  • Time is a source that is compressed, built, advanced, and then turned into LIFE.
This explains why our lives are so short, but tremendous amount of things happen while we are alive.

Most importantly:
  • For souls such as myself, who feel powerless. We are actually tremendously powerful, and our power is TIME.
I think that it's possible that:
  • Everything is known.
  • The human being is completely understood. 100%.
  • TIME can influence and control human beings on a grand scale, and that is how major changes come to the world, as a result of the will of the soul people, like me.
My thoughts regarding this have cleared up, and become more coherent over time.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Unscientific and blatantly lying Youtube channels. : 
Top 10 Science Experiments That Could Have Ended The World
I have no clue what to do about these abominations. My post here:
This is so unscientific and stupid. I really just want to put barcodes on you people for propagating ignorance and stupidity forever. My favorite one was about the black hole being produced by the LHC and swallowing the Earth, as if that is even 1% possible. It definitely isn't.
I really wish I could live in a world where everything I read was true and educational.
I'm struggling with some really big problems, stemming from the fact that I have no true education about souls or religion, and that my entire life is dependent upon me making a soul breakthrough.
Every day, I have to sift through truth and lies and find the best answer, and it's very difficult.

I know that the truth that exists in my brain isn't completely accurate, for two reasons.
1) I don't talk to lots of people about it, and find a consensus.
2) I don't use the scientific method and experimentally discover the truth about souls and religion.

There is one thing that I am completely certain of, though: 
The soul is far, far more important than the body, and the human beings of the Earth are almost zero percent smart.
And I have put all my money, time, and interest on the soul!

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Something crazy or supernatural just happened!!

I searched for "How many souls are currently on the Earth?"

And the 2nd result (I skipped the 1st one) shows a webpage by

And the post talking about souls is written on my Birthday, May 14th.

I've always been really concerned about the internet and just how smart it is, but it seems the internet is 100% smart today.

I've been asking this question: "How many souls or soul-existences are there on the Earth, including mine?" For nearly 6 years now. It was the question that I began to ask when I left my vanilla biology science education and began to venture into the world of souls, of which I am obviously a part of. I believed that the soul was the source of intelligence, and that I needed to do some work, or heal myself, to be smart enough to finish my degree at the University of Washington, and continue on into something really amazing, like Genome Sciences.

I believe that maybe I have become famous now for this question that I am asking, or that this is just one webpage that deals with this question that was thrown at me by the search engine.

I won't forget this for quite some time!