Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Life is going downhill for me

I've been "disabled" for nearly 4 years now, and I've been living very dangerously, getting barely enough money to cover my expenses. I'm dreaming and thinking and timing, but mostly trying to find a way to survive - with my soul intact.
Ever since about a year ago, when I met an ***** in the park and I was brought in, and given orders, I've been living on my own in a room I rented.

First I was living in a 250k newer house with some Philipino 20's men, and it was a small room, but the house was nice. I got kicked out nearly 2.5 months later for unknown reasons (I actually cannot determine it, but it might have been something supernatural). I was having heated arguments in my head, and shouting a little bit. This has been going on for some long time now.

I then moved to a different house in the same city area, and it has a bigger room, but has a much worse kitchen. I'm living with a 55y old man, and a new 25y man who just moved in about 2 months ago.
The new room-mate, he's a little strange. He works, and cooks, and cleans, but there's something wrong with him. He's very Human, and that's a bad thing. I actually thought he might be a homosexual, or a "peasant" assassin, but things are getting bad.



Recently, he's been treating me very agitatedly.
I can't handle it. My heart and soul are weak, and my personality is bankrupt. I feel like "GOD" is cursing me to be weak and pathetic, and that I cannot defend myself with grace and intelligence.
He's been treating me like I'm pathetic, and I'm poor, and I'm crazy. He's ordering me to clean things up - even small things like a few drops of tomato soup in the sink. He's been very angry with me about things like leaving lights on, or going out of my room into the hallway.
Apparently, he pays lots of attention to what I'm doing in my room, such as shouting at people in imagination or talking to people in my head.

Most recently, he's been exaggerating the facts about how many times I'm shouting, and reducing me to a criminal who talks to voices all the time - a cretin.

I literally AM a little insane, minus the fact that I am talking to spirits, and I don't really have a legal defense for it.
I'm actually terrified that I'm going to be kicked out of my home, or that he will call the police on me, or that I will be further mistreated. In addition, I'm afraid that he will "dominate" me, as well as a peasant can dominate a person. That my soul will collapse and I truly will become an unemployed college dropout who talks to voices all day [not to mention I've put on some weight recently].

Every time he knocks on my door and confronts me over my insanity, I feel like I'm getting weaker, or like my security is going down, or maybe that I'm going to die.

I just sent a message to my former religious guide, who lives close by, and I'm hoping she can help me solve my problem.

Is there any help from any of you?

No comments:

Post a Comment