Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Homo and a new threat

My roommate [homo] threatened me again today.
He brought up some good points: the things I shout over are very serious, and I'm in danger of getting put in jail. "Have you ever heard of Adult Protective Services?" Is what he said to me.
My counter-points were completley ignored.
I feel as if the world is controlled by a "very-slow moving God" and he is trying to destroy me with the peasant people.
My roommate felt as if he was "powered by somebody." His arguments were vicious and angry, and I could feel a presence behind him. It also seems as if "truth" is completely empty in him; simple truths and specifics are meaningless.
I will remember that "the police are unintelligent" and "I am in danger of dying, and being put in jail, or tortured" and develop a strategy to live.
My roommate: regardless of his complaints, I have no power to stop the voices or to stop shouting; just as I've never had an ability to prevent oversleeping or die quietly b4.
The landlord has come down and again threatened me.
I feel "the truth and fire in me" fading, as if nothing matters.
He doesn't care at all about my mental illness, or my treatment; it seems he's completely opposed to me. The landlord is exaggerating and "going crazy" and making things worse.
There's one thing: he said that "he's heard me making noises; leaving at 3AM;" I feel as if he is 4X more aware of the things that I'm doing than I thought he was. This is very frightening.
He also told me: "You are sleeping during the day, and being awake during the night." "You need to stop that or you'll be having more problems."
He gave me a warning today, [my 1 warning] and then he left before I got the chance to say anything, or defend myself. I feel very unfair; the peasant people are extremely hateful.
I feel as if "my 4 weeks of leaving after getting a warning" are not valid, and life is actually very unfortunate.
When he was speaking, I thought to myself "this is the life of a truth person, of a martyr" and I was very angry. But I guess that's just it.
I feel as if "I need to start taking drugs to calm myself, and make my voices go away."
I also feel as if "there is nobody to defend me; I can't even rely upon my uncle to help me, or to move away." "It's very, very bad. They hate me."

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