Wednesday, August 26, 2015

I need to articulate my soul malady and find somebody who knows what it is.

The fights inside of me that occur whenever I lay down, and almost every night when I go to bed.

I think it might be possession, but it's more of a personality inside of me. We fight all the time over morality, like christian concepts of heaven and hell. I feel like my supernatural soul has been loosened inside of me and one of my arms or wings of my soul has been jammed into something, and it's painful. It's like somebody is grabbing my arms and trying to pull me in a different direction than the one I was going in.
  • This is mostly true and accurate.
  • The other personality inside of me, it has two different appearances: one is a man who is like a demon, and one is a woman who is pretending to be a man. Both of them are demonic and very grunty and physically exerted.
  • I fight with the "ropes inside of me," or "the arms inside of me" to go right all the time, while the other personality wants to go left. To me, right means masculine, left means feminine, up means success, and down means poverty and no success.
  • Every time I fight, I feel like we're actually fighting over my immortal soul, and if I go to heaven or hell, I take it very seriously and these fights must be expending quite a lot of energy inside of me.
  • The demon or other personality is intwined with both my body systems, and deeply inside of my brain. It's really deep inside of me, and just talking about it has consequences for me and my memory and my personality. It's almost like the demon is literally at the seat of my soul, or next to it, and is aware of everything that I do that is important.
  • I only win the fights around 70% of the time, and sometimes I win the fights by having other arms captured inside of me, which is worse in the long run.
  • Sometimes it feels like the other personality is near death, or is actually undead, and that if he/she loses they will die permanently. But despite this, the other personality hasn't stopped for a long time, even though he/she has lost many times.
  • Sometimes I feel like this soul problem is about my body systems being misaligned and unused. For example, my blood sugar is low and my body doesn't get much use, and that's why I'm being tormented by this spirit or personality inside of me. It sometimes makes me want to do things, like exercise or use my body.
Who might be able to assist me:
-A qualified exorcist.
-Somebody who has my trust and can sense other personalities or demons
-Somebody who knows a lot about the supernatural soul and can sense them.
-A priest of a true religion, or an inner priest of the catholic church.
-Somebody who believes me that I'm one of 200,000 souls in the world.

A new idea:
If I spend all day thinking, and trying to make my soul work correctly: what could be inside of me? 
Could it be that I've been making power for myself, and the whole time my not working has created a super-powerful repressed spirit? Maybe I'm developing new abilities, or things outside of my body are going in extreme directions?
I can't help but think that SOMETHING must be increasing, with how long I spend alone every day on my computer and thinking. Something supernatural is probably coming, sooner rather than later.

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