Friday, August 28, 2015

I really need some help

I am facing major depression and thoughts of suicide.
I am facing poverty and an inability to take care of myself. Sometimes I can't even renew my Social Security paperwork.
I am facing homelessness and all of the risks that go along with that.
Just today, I got a parking ticket notice that my car could be towed away if it wasn't moved within 3 days. That was very stressful.

Even though I sometimes have whole months of peacefulness with nothing bad happening, I still am uncharged. My joy and my happiness and my satisfaction are at all time lows, and my stress is very high.

I think if I had a girlfriend, my life would be much better.
I think the fact that I don't have a girlfriend must be a conspiracy, and the pressure is getting worse and worse. It's almost like somebody is running up my stress and frustration while reducing my happiness and financial security. It's like a game of poverty and suicide, and I'm taking it really roughly.

The worst part is, I don't even know how to commit suicide. Maybe that's evidence that I don't really want to do it. I don't have the willpower to do drastic methods like cutting my veins or shooting myself. I just can't will myself to do that.

If only I had my dreams that I used to have: I could find joy and happiness in life and have some hope for the future. More than anything, I wish for financial security and to have my old dreams come back to me, or even better: to have a supernatural soul for real.

No comments:

Post a Comment