My dream experience [Started July 2009] [incomplete]

Started after a period of major stress, confusion, suicide, and poverty.

I was in my 5th quarter at the UW, trying very hard to discover the truth. This was in the 3rd year of my college education. I joined the UW as a Junior.

As for the UW, what was the problem?
-I didn't have any money, and I was resentful of rich people, and people with families.
-My intelligence was lacking. I could understand things at the C.C. level, but the UW classes were of a different level, and were taught differently. I was probably 60-70% smart enough to pass classes with a B.
-I was completely alone. I went to clubs [Secular student society] and some other ones, but I was almost entirely alone.
-I was very mind-controlled by government. I had lots of ideas: like belief in the military and ROTC [that I have since gotten rid of], and that I wasn't good enough to have a bank account, or get a scholarship, or join an organization, or be free.
-I was very interested in video games, mangas and anime, and computer hardware. I loved the idea of getting a new motherboard, and playing games. It was how I escaped from the power of the law and the school and the massive structure.

-I had gone to counseling, and they were very unhelpful. They even cut off my counseling [when I was depressed and suicidal] because I wasn't enrolled in classes for that quarter.
-I spent at least 3 quarters missing classes,


As for my dream, I was very, very smart [I think]. I was obsessed with major ideas:
-Souls
-How many people there are in the world [maybe 2B bodies, and far, far fewer souls]
-Immortality
-Rich people
-People loved by power
-What power is, and how it works
-War, and how easy it is to die
-Why so many people are stupid [why they're slaves to God and history]




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My dream consciousness can be broken down into 5 or 6 different "rooms" or experiences.

Ideas: how many memories; am I truth?; Can I create things?; Are people friendly?; Is there torture or illegal power?; Am I a good person?; Do I get to go to heaven?;

1) Torture:
-my soul belongs to somebody, and I'm expected to work. There are strong expectations on me
-They go through my memories and they humiliate me, and modify my memories and fight me
-Every time I have a guilty thought, they turn it around and torture me with it
-They give me very weird psychology exercises: if your grandfather is stealing your blood, and trying to live with it, will you stop him? If old people are senile and unintelligent, will you fight them when they wrong you? If your mother accuses you of being a bad boy, will you allow her to live? If your mother is torturing you, with a "family honor", will you stop her? Will you betray your family?
Almost every time, I'm wrong because I will not respect them, and I won't be a good family member


2) Communing with God and Time
-many different people are in my head; they sometimes change voices, or manipulate me
-Jounen, Gabriel, TIME, sin
-Sometimes I have weird ideas and I "create things"
-I have very limited power; sometimes I create things by manipulating my soul to do it
-I'm pretty wasted.
-Some of my ideas are very cool and clean.
-I have access to a lot of memories [though not ones that are missing]

3) [Old] Sustained dream, based upon finite reality of the world it came from
-Dream of going to a different planet, and becoming a sorcerer.
-World comes from "machine" or "dream room," and I cannot modify the world.
-Good faith: I enjoy the dream, and I like the people who created it, and I don't fight


4)

My mind has already been broken, my truth has already been destroyed, the slander and hate and prejudice of other men has already leaked upon me. It's completely crazy, because the people who hate me are of limited character and intelligence, and it doesn't even make sense what they're calling me.

"poor person"
"Faggot"
"Liar"
"Criminal"
"Anti-christian"
"anti-government"
"suicider"
"family betrayer"

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out a reasonable refute to the Constitution extremism, and the people who absolutely live in and propagate American capitalism.

My belief is that the laws don't really apply to me because:
I'm a truth: My mind knows things that ordinary humans could never understand
-How many souls there are in the world [I'm 2 of them]
-How many men have a verified, objective opinion [in contrast to the vast, vast majority of men, who aren't even sentient]
-Why would a poor person work if they're only getting paid $10-25 an hour?
-Why would the laws apply to me when you're lying to me about the constitution, magna carta, drugs, fire, and God, and how many people there are?
-Why do they think that they can kill me? The peasant filth have taken over the government, and they have lost all of their honor. They WILL kill you, even though you're innocent. They do not remeber the honor of our God or our heaven. They don't care about any common sense or reason. It is all 100% massive peasant tyranny, backed up by God. [?]

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